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Sunday, April 3, 2011

falling from the times ..........into ur heart i drank the curse of life


somewhere between the brown dead leaves some light appeared .......i grabbed my hands to those to let me unfold that source of light ........that urged my attention

the light grew intense as i started to wriggle those dead lying leaves blocking the path of the light ....
as i haapened to meet my chase ......my eyes widened to my surprise n i wondered what had i ended up with
in front .........i couldnt chase any damn thought about it what could it be.......

i was already harrassed with my condition.....with this adding to my anxiety.....
every time i used to grab a look of it ......it made my condition worsen more n more .......cause the anxiety grew much intensed ........

i thought of getting out of all my despair ......and opting for something that could occupy me ......
i sat near the water body.....after a long time .......just as i settled ....all that had happened connected to it
strucked my mind........she revisted my thoughts again........
i dont wanna remember those moments cause they dnt shine any more.......there source of light ended
so must they go.......

twoc voices come from the background grabs attention.........one is me and the other a person on the other side of the phone line.........

me : is this ****** ?

str : yes

me : may i talk to ************** ?

str : may i knw ur name ?

me : >......

this is a very normal phone conversation .......whats new to that ?
i knw that must be going through ur mind ........but what if i couldnt grab onto words while conversation
when i called her .......
her father used to usually pick up the phone.........i used to tremble and my tongue fumbled
i used to write what i had to say ......and prepare before i called ....so as to mark my impression on her and her accompanies .........

i was a little child at that time ......who was afraid to converse in any language on phone......i felt shy
or i was too afraid of it

maybe my shyness adding to my weaknesses .......but i hate to define it more now ......

i used to fell of my own words in front of her .......my words used to stand-alone in the conversation

......maybe that added to my this condition...

y she always vists me again n again.........

i got back to my senses and found myself in front of the light source.........i couldnt recollect to the linking sources ........to what i had just experienced ..........what was it ?

i broke that into pieces .......and crushed it to my strength......
and moved away.........

just then some steps broke the silence of my despair .......with no attention from my side .......
i just added some more steps away...and tried to carry on..........

but a hand tried to reach for those broken pieces and a thought touched my heart
" i love u"

i crushed a piece from the broken ones .......clinged to my shoe......and crushed to move on....

i dnt believe in love anymore ...........

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