life took a turn when i was not preprared for it
it turned n turned for no good , when i wanted it to be constant
it ruined me , nearly killed me ......but the strength in me is still alive but the love has disappeared
i am sitting at the bank of a river body ........on a cold night looking at a ball size moon in that star .....whose comparison i used to do with her
i used to insult it before her in her comparison .......now i feel even though she is not with me.........still the moon is by side to share the pain ...and drive some light into my dark life.......i feel so damn cold outside
but the fire in me is keeping me alive..........the day it turned off either i am gonna get some love to hold onto or will have a un -errectful death ...
a friend walked towards me from the group having bornfire nearby .........i dont wanna indulge in any gathering .......i wanna be alone , left to myself , deviding myself into the good n bad.......
the people dont know me n get me wrong ............they think i am bad then let it be.........kill the good i have in me.........and ending what i was having in me before
THE END OF WHAT I WAS BEFORE .......I WANNA BE BAD ....I WANNA BE DIFFERENT
the friend put the hand on my shoulder as i sighed .........i cleaned my eyes as he settled beside me..........first he asked what happened ........i said it does not matter what happened , but it matters what can happen
.....i threw a stone in the water.........he left me alone ...but before going he said have u met ur best friend ? i said ...... ? then he said yes
then i replied no ..........u know he proposed her ..........i turned back to him..........i saw in his eyes ........"yes , its true
but i said she as committed to someone else ........then he said he dont know anything about that but that was told to him by the ....... himself . i didnt paid attention to him ......i said he must be joking
but he couldnt tell a lie because he was my friend too.........
i continued back to see the sky , the stars n the moon ..........my friend took a turn back tto the gathering ..........i was sitting on the banks and the surroundings were very noisy .........coz of the noise of the insects
, etc which were present in the surroundings ...............
i moved back in my life again...
the moon took a turn away hiding itself in the sky ..........behind those clouds that covered the black sky of the night........like i transgressed my love , the clouds transgressed its cover over the sky .
i thought of her reply ........i imagined him with her.....and how he may have proposed her .......i feel so helpless as i cant do anything .....i cant blame my friend nor the girl.....for the love i loved ...as he and she both
least cared about it.........it turned the evil inside me to overpower my body n mind.......
i was sitting there , steady at one place for a long time when called up for the dinner by my friends .........i forgot their presence in my surroundings.......i ate up my dinner and head towards my place where i have been
spending my loniless for so long........i headed my foot and a sweet voice stopped me from behind .......arsh , wait ...........i stopped i turned and saw a beautiful face with a sweet smile waiting for my attention
she enquired about where was i going........i told her just a little more time alone there ..........u all carry on.........my friends say that she had crush on me .....to which i had just one answer what she would get
from the remains of a dead life .........all it would be just expectations of turning things normal back again but that was impossible..........
i have already travelled a lot on the road that i chosed that i cant come back again to from where i had started it..........i settled down at my place .......i could feel knew .......the water having more rings than before
and the breeze flew around and on the top of the water body.........i saw that the moon had came out of the cover.......i turned back into my life to see her face , her smile .......that still mesmorized the soul
inside me.........
a hand rested on my shoulder ............the girl again.........she came to accompany me........she knew everything as all my friends knew it..........i sighed as she settled beside me .......but i couldnt hide my tears from her
.......she tried to crack jokes ....make me life but i always showed her my fake smile .......which she always get to know was fake.........
her sweet words said her name..........and for a while i felt like the breeze flew from me..........i could the coldness of the surrounding in me and the fire to have put off.......and i told her to please dont take her name
then she said why......why shouldnt i ......why does she matters to u even after knowing she doesnt care about u.........
i expressed my wish to hear her voice.........to which she dialed her number from her phone and turned on the speaker ...........she talked to her......as i heared her voice....it satisfied me.........
to the fullest .......she asked about her ......and about here and there ........i could feel the happiness in her voice ..........just before putting the end to the call , she said guess what happened today ?
to which we said what ?...........today ......... proposed me and i said yes...........the girl exclaimened with her fake happiness as the environment at our end turned more gloomy........she ended the call......
and my word could only sum up to thank her ( the girl ) ......seeing my position even she could stop sheading tears .........she tried to hold her tears up ......but she lost to them....
and ran back towards the camp..........i tried to stop her like she did before but couldnt gather my words .................no i felt that the air of the surroundings even passed through me..............
now i felt part of all what the surroundings contained........as the darkness in both lifes at present matched...........
a guy , a very gud friend of the girl sitting beside me came to me............and tried to blame me for something that i havent done.......he forcibly tried to hype the issue out of nothing...........
he blamed me for saying bad to the girl .........to which i didnt bothered to his words , his as usual blame game started to gather the attention of all that were present there........and tried to fight with me.....to which i
resisted .......he hit me .....i felt like i lost something ....................another hit on my back ..............and i felt over .......then he pulled me up ......parallel to himself and abused me........i really got angry and a punch
on her face got him down........with his mouth spitting blood........then he got up and he tried to punch me but was stopped by the girl which came and explained the situation and cleared up ........settling down the issue
and maintaining the privateness of the situation...........
every has preassumed me to be rude, stubborn and self obsessed .........but that wasnt true , it just that i have problems and difficulties with me ..........so i dnt want to affect others life so i stay alone
the environment back to normal ..........................one of my friends came up with a bottle and a towel to make me wipe off the blood on my face .............i got badly hurt more than that guy.........
i joined my hands to collect some water from the water body to splash it on my face ...........it felt me so refreshed and as i splashed the water onto my face........her sweet smile used to come in front of my eyes
and i stopped ........i wiped off ......and my friend make me remember what stupidness we used to committ during our childhood.......which made us feel embarrassed now......
a smile came on my face .........and tracing my friend back came his girlfriend............and hugged him from behind..........she sat down as we continued to share our childhood experiences with her ........
and she couldnt stop laughing .............
the moon moved beating the cover of the clouds making the night to move ahead............
its feel so good as i wrapped myself to keep me warm ...............suddenly someone came and unfold the blanket on me .........my sweet friend......sat behind me as we shared the same blanket .........
and shared what all we had about our memories .............
once in my chidhood..........i teased her a lot about her spectacles and her atttude ......she used to get highly irriated and used to ran behind me in the class and in the corridors and once was caught by the headmaster
who scolded her and that day i felt sorry for being so bad..........that time i was an idiot who didnt said sorry but now i felt like saying and apologising ..........to her about all what i did .........to which she exclaimed
wow .....u apologising.........its a news to me ...........after which we both laughed .........she offered me her hand to hold to make me move from that place towards her ...........it was night as we both felt sleepy
and all were getting ready to move in to our sleeping bags and take a long nap as we all were tired from the journey and the work we did all day.............especially we boys who carried all the heavy bags of the girls too
............
all were sleeping and the bornfire still lightening ........our shadows ...............the girl got up of her sleeping bag seeing me still awake ......... i heared my name called .........to which i saw her stood up.......
she came to me and apologised of what all happened because of her .......the fight and all ...........and she touched those scars on my face........and tried to wipe the blood stains unaware of the pain it caused but i was used to
pain in my life.....................
seeing me .......so hurted .....she couldnt resist her tears ....................she said i love u but i said plzzzz dnt , i have no emotion like love present in me........i am dead........she expressed her will to put life in to this
dead body....
u can heal the visible wounds but not the ones deep inside me................dnt make me live again .........coz i dnt have the strength to tackle the pain......
but i can still be your friend..............
she smiled but i could see in her eyes the pain she got .........i wish she gets a more loving guy in her life ahead .........as she moved back to sleep...........
lastly before leaving ...........she asked do u love me ?
to which i replied no............do u love her ?........i paused and made up my mind to say no.........and replied .......a fake smile gestured me through her face..........
the love tried to break the barriers but still lagged behind me ..............
i couldnt sleep...........the call conversation, her smile , her eyes , all moved in a queue inside my mind .........that didnt allowed me to sleep.............i moved out of my sleeping bag .......walked to my place again ......
and settled there ............i looked at moon for a while ...........
and then i couldnt stop imagning the scene of the two of them together , my desire and her new bf ..............she was happy but i was sad ..........she ahd love in her life again but i was lifeless
i felt as if i was in front of them ........just being an admirer of their love story............i imagined how may he have proposed her ........and how she may have reacted ........and how her smile would have grown big
hearing the same words which didnt mattered when came from my side ................
the moon moved ahead in the sky as the time passed .........
i fell asleep as i imagined .....................
a sudden noise caught my sense and i rubbed my eyes to see..............what made it originate..........i saw a girl walking on the water .............and moving swiftly towards the land .........she perched her foot on land
as i gathered my sense to believe it............i ran behind her ..........the success was not sure ..........as the woods and the surroundings had a fog cover .........i could sense her motion ........as she drived me
through the woods .............
she glided and moved in the woods and i was eager to catch her up and see what happened it to be..........what it can be .......awake so early in the morning .......with the light all around the place ....
she stopped and i moved slowly towards her and she said ............the end ............as i tried to turn her .............a vehicle hit me so badly that my body flew in air.......
struck so badly i landed on a rock bed ..........blood all around me ..........that time only her smile was all i could see .......i could see her secretly watching me from the arms of her boyfriend hiding her .......
and i felt as a tear would have fallen down from her eye ...........that could peace out the motion in me
and
"I CLOSED MY EYES "
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